So let me try to be short with this post. Because even though it took me 30 minutes to cry this feeling I have had for quiet a bit, it came down to one thing. Obviously a couple of things but one thing keeps popping up in my mind.
Tonight I could not sleep, thinking about how I am not good enough for anything. Not good enough as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend and even with my own blog and business. Just not quite seeing the results I want and picture in my mind. Obviously this isn't true, the truth is we all have our own journey, and we all learn as we go. The truth is that nothing will ever be perfect.
As I was sitting here on the couch, just talking to God. And I mean talking, like with anger, and sadness and honesty. Straight up honesty with how I feel inside. How I feel as though all the doors are closed, no door open, not even a peek. I proceeded to say my thanks, what I feel "feel" like I need and ended the conversation.
Knowledge is what came into mind as soon as I was done. Simple. Learn. Learn things to have the knowledge I need in life to do the things I know and do not know. To learn as I go. Knowledge only comes when you look for it and learn as you go. Simple as that. That is exactly what I needed to know this night. Nothing more, nothing less.
And even though I don't want to go into details, I know exactly what I need to do, because if the door isn't opening for me, I look another way, surely I will find one. If it isn't here now, I will find one and open one myself.
Knowledge my friends is what I need.